My First MRI was no fun!!

During my life adjustment of living with lupus, I have had many tests, blood draws, lab tests, medication changes, mood changes, body changes, physician changes, & even changed states that I lived in. I had my first MRI (magnetic resonance image) done yesterday. Let me first explain why this just happened yesterday.
While living in Oklahoma, which is where the ethnicity Native American is highly recognized I was diagnosed with Systemic Lupus Erythematosus. (SLE) or just lupus as you may know it by. When I was diagnosed it was June of 2007 & my long hospital stay was in the Indian hospital which for me being 1/4 degree Indian blood was free, my stay, procedures, & medication were all free. After my diagnosis my physician visits & medication refills were free.
Upon moving to back to Denver & receiving Social Security Disability Benefits (SSDI) & not being able to work & being back to a city where it doesn't matter what ethnicity you are, if you do not have a job with insurance, it is hard to get the things you need. I have worked since I was 15 years old, so having lupus & not being able to work is a true shock to my system. No job = no health care benefits, I however was able to apply for a program that is offered through the state of Colorado, that pays half of most of the things a patient with a chronic illness needs. I can say now that it has been a year & I have payed out of pocket well over $4000 in medications, visits & procedures.
Which brings me to my first MRI, I have avoided getting this procedure done for several months due to the co payment of $600 & for fear of it revealing that the lesions that have been seen on my liver, really are something else that I have to worry about. As a lupus patient, hearing the worst is not always good at the times where you are already feeling horrible. I am, just now getting my kidney disease under control. Needless to say my renal specialist made the radiology department contact me for this appointment, because it is way overdue. I have been blessed enough to be put on my mothers insurance & have a better insurance plan that will save on procedures, medications, & visits.
My MRI experience was not the best, I didn't know that I was claustrophobic until I had to squeeze into that machine, I just remained as calm as I could & lay still. I know that this needed to be done. So now I am just waiting for my renal doctor to call me. I was also scheduled to go & do blood work to see where my levels are (hoping they went up), but here in Denver it has been snowing non stop & my whole body hurts. So until the weather clears up, I wont be going anywhere.
I often feel like I am lazy, knowing that I'm not, but lupus makes you feel like your body weighs twice your weight, I'm always laying around to avoid losing all of my energy. Tonight I broke down in tears.......I feel that I have lost what is the best of me, the fun & energetic part of me. I use to be able to get up & go, travel, exercise into a deep sweat, dance all night, go without naps. I had never been admitted into a hospital, I could eat what I wanted & go where I wanted. All of that has completely changed.

My life with lupus right now has LIMITS I have to watch what I eat, try to save up as much energy as I can & realize that my whole life has changed. This is one of the hardest things I have ever had to endure, it hurts me mentally & physically & is very heavy on my heart at times. I know God will never give me more then I can handle, at times I am stronger then I am able to be. I'm going to take time for me to get to a place where I can keep taking lupus over without so many limits......it is a work in progress & I know that I will find ways to challenge myself.
My motto is to "smile everyday" so there is no reason not to right now!